I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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