i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Randomize
