We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
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