I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
