Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
foreskin is a definite game changer
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
