my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
