Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
