my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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