I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
