Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
