the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
