Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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