Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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