I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
