hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
