bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
