dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I need to calm my uterus...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
