Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
