do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
