This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
