My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
The struggles of a small town man whore
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
