somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
