I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
