i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Dear god my vagina.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
