How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Randomize
