just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
