her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
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