I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
