Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize