trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Randomize
