I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
