i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
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