my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
