I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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