I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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