Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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