i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize