i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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