Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
