does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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