this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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