I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
