I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
