this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
