i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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