Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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