I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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