She's JV to your varsity
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
