Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
