well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
