The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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