was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
