Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Just invented taco cereal.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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