Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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