paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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