ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
