mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
