and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
