Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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