How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
