When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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