then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
