hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
