I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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