I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
