Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
