My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
ugly people sure do ruin things
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
