So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize
