I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
