this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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