Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize