Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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