I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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