its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
