I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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