saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
