Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Randomize
