i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
