my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
