my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
