At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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