he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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