Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I can't turn off my feet"
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
