Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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