holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
