I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I stole a fireplace last night.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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