Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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