Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
