Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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