You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
