I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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