he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
