dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
