I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I can text with my tongue
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
