If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize