I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
