Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
